He sat on the edge of his bed, tense, staring at the floor. His eyes were dry. Under the duress of his own mind he had firmly closed all of his curtains. Usually he left slivers of light in his living room but today he didn't need any light. He didn't want any light. He needed to be sure that no one could see him. He bit his bottom lip, hard, almost to the point of bleeding.

He was glad no one could see him. Especially now. He ran his hand through the puff of his thick, wiry brown hair. He gripped the back of his head. He hated that he was feeling anything at all. Oh, to be impervious to emotion! He tightened his grip. He breathed methodically in an attempt to calm down, but the pressure of recent events bore into him.

He released the back of his head and looked up from the floor to his computer desk. He stood up, walked to the desk, and grabbed a package of miniature cookies. He loaded the sweet discs into his mouth, unable to enjoy the flavor. He ate messily, wordlessly deliberating to himself.

"Is this 'person' an AI?"

"No, such power is not available to the public yet."

"Their responses are too human; AI is terrible at handling Finnish."

"They also proved their skills. The Cyber Security Workaround site and the hackme.pls sites both link to DChat, I know for a fact it was them."

"This whole situation is insane. Have I gone crazy? Maybe insomnia has caught up with me and I am hallucinating."

"Why do I feel that they're not an impersonator? This feeling is unreasonable."

He had been thinking in circles like this since the day he was banned from Shroud. He cursed himself, cursed his disposition. Why couldn't he just move on? Why couldn't he just let go? Why did his thoughts wander back to this ceaselessly, tirelessly, nauseatingly, over and over and over and over again? He'd try to think about something else, even for five minutes! But no, he was driven to know, he needed surety.

"This is worse than my usual obsessions. This is a compulsion. I am compelled by... By something beyond me it feels like, to certify this situation. What the fuck, am I delirious? I feel that I may even do something maniacal, something I would never do otherwise. I may have to... Reveal myself."

He stopped eating as he realized the severity of what he just thought.

"Reveal myself..."

He perseverated on this idea.

"Reveal myself... Reveal... Myself..."

Unexpectedly, his anxiety gave way.

"Fuck it, ei se pelaa, joka pelkää."

He swallowed. He looked down at his shirt. There were cookie crumbs everywhere.

---


By Adaline Guerra